


Anyone down to take couple's therapy with me and see at what point the therapist realizes we don't even know each other?

by Red Dragon (Red_Dragonn)



Series: Transformers Drabbles [5]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: First Meetings, Gen, Meme, Pre-Relationship, Pre-War, Rung has a bad day, Therapy, absolutely no violence in this one folks!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29348877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Dragonn/pseuds/Red%20Dragon
Summary: Starscream puts out an ad on robot craigslist and gets an answer. they met for maybe two minutes outside the therapy office. this is what happened.
Relationships: (but only if you squint. like a meetcute), Megatron/Starscream (Transformers)
Series: Transformers Drabbles [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1067279
Comments: 11
Kudos: 26





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: split into several drabble-size chapters. This is because I have Bad Brain TM and drabbles are fun challenges so my brain allows me to focus on it.
> 
> Inspired by this meme: 

The red seeker was waiting outside of the therapist’s office. He had a box of rust sticks in his servos. 

“Uh, Skyshriek, right?” Megatron asked.

“Starscream,” the seeker sniffed. “You’re Megaton?”

“Megatron.” At the seeker’s blank look, he clarified, “With an r?”

“Oh, right. Mega- _tron.”_ The seeker—Starscream—put a rust stick in his intake. 

“Can I have one of those?”

“No.”

Megatron crossed his arms and leaned against the wall to wait. 

Not long after, a little orange guy with some stupid looking goggles on his face poked his head out. “Megatron and Starscream?” 

Starscream smirked. “That’s us.”


	2. Chapter 2

Megatron sat in one of the little chairs in the therapist’s office and Starscream sat in the other. There were several toys on the desk and more stacked on shelves. Megatron thought they looked incredibly stupid, but he politely didn’t say anything. 

“I see you’re here for,” the therapist said, checking a clipboard, “conjunx’s therapy. So, ah, how about you let me know some of the issues you’d like to work through? Starscream, you can go first.”

Starscream shifted, crossing and uncrossing his legs in a display of what Megatron thought looked like nerves. 

“Megaton never—”

The therapist coughed. _“Megatron_.”


	3. Chapter 3

Starscream pauses, blinking at the therapist. Who has just corrected him on Megatron’s _name_. 

“Megatron never listens—”

“Does he often get your name wrong?” the therapist asks Megatron,cutting the seeker off entirely. 

“Uh,” Megatron says, glancing over at Starscream. “Um. Yes. That is, um, why we’re here.”

“Yes!” Starscream says. “And he is a big- uh- he leaves messes all over the hab.”

 _Messes? Really?_ “Uhh, yes, I do, and I am entirely unrepetant about it,” Megatron manages. Starscream gestures for him to keep going. “I’m a… horrible slob?”

“…alright,” the therapist says, “It… sounds like we’re getting somewhere?”


	4. Chapter 4

After a few minutes more of frantically making up nonsense and going along with whatever scrap the seeker managed to pull out of his twisted little processor—an _interface pest? Really?_ Just make up the most embarrassing lies possible, was that what the little glitch was doing?—the therapist finally sat forwards and raised his hand to gesture for the two of them to stop. 

“I… see that you have… a lot to make up for,” the orange little nerd said. “But, uh, let’s change tactics. Megatron, here, why don’t you tell us all three things you _like_ about Starscream?”


	5. Chapter 5

Megatron thought back awkwardly to try and avoid contradicting himself. “Um, he’s… pretty, and, uh…”

“This shouldn’t be too hard,” Rang said. That was the therapist’s name, right? He had a little placard. _Rung_. Okay, right. “Just think back on all the good times you guys have had.”

Megatron fought the urge to sigh. “Right, those, yes, which we’ve… _had_. Uh, he’s clever? He is… quick witted.” 

“Good,” Rung said. “One more.”

Megatron racked his brain. He wasn’t cut out for this. He liked to sit on his ideas and think them. 

“He’s pretty?”

“You said that already,” Starscream snapped. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Alright, Starscream, your turn,” the therapist says, looking faintly confused. “Say three things you like about Megatron.”

“He is,” Starscream said, folding and unfolding his hands, “uh, he is… charming.” 

“Charming,” repeats the therapist.

“Charming,” Starscream says, more confidently. “And gentle.”

“ _Gentle_ ,” Rung repeats. “Weren’t you here because he is, and I quote, ‘a horrible brutish oaf who breaks your things’?”

“Thaaaat… doesn’t… mean he _can’t_ be gentle,” Starscream says hurriedly. “Sometimes. When he wants to be.”

“Can you not make me sound like an abusive conjunx for one minute, Starscream?”

“Shut up,” Starscream snipped. “Oh, and he’s _very_ quiet.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Starscream, you ought to take this more seriously,” Rung says severely. “You and Megatron are both here to work out your differences. You could at least put in a little effort.”

Megatron had grown at least three _differences_ with Starscream in the past fifteen clicks. It was not hard to conjure up the stern face he wanted to nod along with the therapist. 

“I’m taking this _perfectly seriously,_ ” the seeker said darkly, leaning over the table towards the weedy little therapist. “Maybe you should just _do your job._ ”

“I am trying,” Rung sounded rather aggrieved. _“You_ need to try, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably should've mentioned this several chapters back but I have absolutely no idea what couples' therapy is like. If you do, and I am wrong, then you can blame it on them being robots on a planet that is not ours four million years before our modern therapy was invented. But you can also tell me what I'm doing wrong in the comments if you like; I'm kind of curious.   
> anyway i have no idea how many chapters are left but this is a blast to write so expect more


	8. Chapter 8

Starscream and the therapist had devolved into the polite version of yelling that mostly sounded like sitting across from each other and saying things quickly. Megatron took this time to examine some of the toys on the desk. They were like little spaceships. Megatron didn’t recognize them. They really did look stupid.

“Can you believe what he said?” Starscream snapped, and then snapped his actual fingers in front of Megatron’s face. 

“Don’t put your fingers in my face,” Megatron snapped right back. 

“Uh…right. Sorry. But—did you hear what he said? He doesn’t even think we _know each other!”_


	9. Chapter 9

“So, the gig is up, right?” Megatron said, stretching his arms in front of him. 

“The—the _gig?”_ said the therapist. 

“It’s—you fragging idiot. _Now_ it’s over, isn’t it.”

“I mean. He’d figured it out.”

“No he hadn’t. He was telling me we needed to _communicate better_. Then you _haaaad_ to go and blow it.”

“Blow what?” said the therapist blankly. 

“I didn’t _blow_ anything,” Megatron said flatly. “You should’ve given me a better line to work with.”

 _“Line?”_ said the therapist. “What is going on with you two?”

“Oh we’re not actually a couple,” Starscream said. 

“…sorry, _what?”_


	10. Chapter 10

“Let me get this straight,” the therapist said, pushing his silly little goggles up on his nose. “You two decided to meet up right before the appointment, pay the consultation fee—”

“No, that was all me,” Starscream said. “I didn’t figure anyone would show if I made them pay.”

“So you decided to pay the consultation fee just to play a _joke on me_ , a mech you’ve never met in your life, because you thought it would be _funny_ to take up a timeslot that I could’ve filled helping people and instead spend the entire time aggravating me?”

“Yep.”

“Yes.”


	11. Chapter 11

The therapist sighed again, even more deeply. “Why are you two doing this?”

“It’s funny,” Starscream said. “Come on, Rang, don’t you think it’s a little funny? Just a little?”

“Rung,” Megatron said. “It’s on his plaque, next to the silly little gray spaceship.”

“I was close.”

“I,” the therapist started, and then sighed, pressing his forefinger and thumb to the bridge of his nose. “Would you two please get out of my office?”

“Gladly,” Starscream said, and got up to flounce out of the room. Megatron rose as well, and went to chase him. 

“Hey!”

“What.”

“Drinks?”

Starscream grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably going to end it here but feel free to imagine them amusing the shit out of everyone at the bar with this little anecdote, then having someone call starscream a liar because he somewhat obviously "embelleshes" it a bit and it doesn't sound realistic to them, and then starscream picks a fight and megatron decides he's too much trouble to hang around and they split up without exchanging phone numbers only to meet years later right when the war is starting.
> 
> you can also imagine them hooking up and/or starting a wonderful and good actual real relationship but that's the 'true' ending in my head. like a missed encounter kinda


End file.
